I was born, not like you, but one day I was not here and the next day, well I was. My friends, who I have known for as long as I have been alive, have told me that I was born after a fire, and that the blaze killed my parents who I never met. My friends tell me that I look like my parents, just a bit darker and a bit smarter. I don’t really know what that means, because, well, I can’t see myself.
So, here is my story. As I said, I was born, and for the first few years I made friends with those that lived near or, on me, and tried to make friends with those who visited me, and to be honest, I had mixed success. Humans, well, they just aren’t very friendly, they never stop to talk, whereas the organ, the mop, the candles the, the, well pretty much everything else is super friendly. So, I talk to my friends and listen to the humans, and my gosh, those humans talk and sing amongst themselves all the blooming time.
Anyhow, once a week, loads of humans used to come, they used to listen to one of them humans talk, now she used to say interesting stuff. When I was still busy making friends one of the candles told me, I was made of wood, not sure what that means, but, it always stuck in my head. Well, one day, the humans talked about wood, how they used wood to make an alter, and how they used to make an ark. Now, I have never met Ark, but, Alter is a lovely lady, she is so funny. When I asked her about how the humans made her, well she laughed “there was a fight at the alter yesterday…” she said “I guess you can say it was an altercation. “ That was her favourite joke, now I think of it, it was pretty much the only thing she ever said.
Anyhow, life was pretty sweet, I was cleaned, Mop would tell me jokes as his human gave me a make over, his favorite joke, was “a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop”, to be honest, I never really understood, but laughed along anyway. It just seemed rude to ask why it was funny.
Anyhow, one day, the humans stopped coming then for some reason Mop stopped coming, and dirt started to pile up. Before the lovely Candle left, she told me that the humans don’t want to sing and talk anymore, not sure what that meant, but she did also say “do you know why I can’t sleep? Cause there’s no rest for the wicked.” Now I get that one, before Candle left, I asked her, and she explained it, then I really laughed… who would have thought humans could have the same word for two things. Perhaps their two legs means they always need two meanings?
Anyhow, Alter left, Candle left, Mop is trapped in the cupboard, I can hear him moan, I guess he is telling me his joke. I must be getting old cause I can’t see as well as I once could, Mop reckons its because he is not cleaning me, he reckons dust has settled on me. Not sure who Dust is, I have tried to introduce myself, but Dust is quiet, I have tried my best joke “The world was a dust cloud, then it solidified, and some fish evolved into a human. And the rest was history.” Still nothing. To be honest, I don’t really understand the joke myself, I heard it when humans visited, they seemed to think it was hilarious.
Anyhow, so, here I am, friendless, stationary, solitary. Waiting for humans to return. Waiting for Alter, for Candle perhaps even Organ, although he tells really rude jokes…